Morning Chorus

The are no Oppression Olympics, just the difference between prejudice and oppression.

It occurs to me why asexuals on tumblr annoy the fuck out of me. It’s because they remind me so much of the atheist community I used to be involved in. It was mostly middle class white guys and I was convinced atheism was the worst oppression to face, but then reality smacked me in the face, well mostly their own misogyny towards me and other women.

I know the atheist arguments so well because I used to make them. They argue from a place without experience so as they shout out against sexism in the bible, they actually fail to realize that biggest reason why sexism exists is men. Of course the typical atheist, especially the internet one, is ignorant of what sexism, homophobia, racism, and other oppressions are really about.

So while yes, people can be prejudiced against atheists, they’re not oppressed, there is no institutionalized oppression against atheists, no murders happening today on the streets because they’re atheist. Yet, they won’t hesitate to appropriate struggles of other people, and if you dare say they’re not oppressed they whip up the worst, yet rare and far between incidents of against atheists as if it happens to them on a daily basis. They even appropriate the “coming out” of gay people, bc telling your parents you’re an atheist is the same thing as gay, riiiight.

And that’s not to say people aren’t ignorant about atheists, and it’s really fucking sad when parents won’t allow their children to believe as they want, but they’re not oppressed.

Ring a bell asexuals? because this is exactly what you do too.

And invariably I’ll get the but I’m “insert actual oppressed identity” then i’m not talking about you, but if you’re going to defend straight asexuals appropriating my identity and pulling this shit, then you’re not helping the LGBTQ cause. Demisexuality and Asexuality is not an oppression. I’ve never claimed they don’t get shit, but it’s not the same. Learn the difference.

desliz:

Men’s Acts, not Women’s Choices: “Quantum Consent”

galesofnovember:

radtransfem:

And while I’m linking articles from evebitfirst, here’s a great one* on “quantum” consent (do you remember Schrodinger’s Rapist? like that)

(* eve makes some claims about prostitution that I don’t know enough about to endorse or not, I’m linking it for the consent discussion)

I’m not sure I agree with every point,  but I think the last paragraph is particularily insightful:

“The issue isn’t just whether an individual woman (or women as a class) are expressing “intrinsic” “individual” desires (as opposed to culturally-imposed ones), but why men are willing to go along with it. There’s something particularly disturbing about men who are big supporters of third-wave, “post-modern,” “sex-positive” feminism. And this is it: they may echo all the right words about consent and agency, but they’re using the focus on females’ gatekeeper “responsibility” to continue their objectification and exploitation of women.”

As much as I rag on the asexuality movement, I must admit that it appears to be more or less in reaction to this; the focus on consent (complete with phrases like “consent is sexy!”, which makes an obvious, if unintentional, implication about what not consenting is) complete fails to equip women with the ability to talk about what they don’t want, sexually. Of course, asexuality has approached this by going to the other extreme, portraying “sexual attraction” as this zombifying menace that makes one incapable of folding laundry without being paralyzed by sexual fantasies, but mainstream feminism as it stands has done a piss-poor job of addressing the needs of women who don’t want to prioritize their attractiveness, or who don’t actually like penetration that much, or who resent the implication that they must be sexually available to anyone at any time (which includes, in a roundabout way, giving your stamp of approval to anything the patriarchy presents as desirable). Instead, they turn to ridiculous Tumblr microcategorization of sexuality because sex-positive feminists are too busy talking about which waterproof mascara holds up best when radically deepthroating your man. There is no recognition of the grey area that contains the situations and emotions that come between “rape” and “enthusiatic consent”. I don’t question why people want to be excused from that game. We fail to give them the tools they need to defend themselves and then demand they do it anyway.

Hinging your sexual identity on being better than another sexual identity is pretty terrible

radfemme:

I identify as bisexual. Sometimes I’ll use pansexual if I’m around people that I know are lgtbq savvy and would understand the word, because I feel that that fits as well. However, I honestly think that the term bisexual, given its history, accurately fits and explains that I am attracted to people across the entire gender spectrum/with a variety of gender presentations. And it’s far more accessible and well-known than pansexual is at the moment.

So when people say, “I’m pansexual, it’s a more inclusive term than bisexual,” and grin at me like they’ve shat out a rainbow, I’m unimpressed. 

When someone says, “I would NEVER identify as bisexual, I’m queer, that’s a political stance,” I’m a bit miffed.

Is my identity not a political stance? Because I’m pretty sure it is. Identifying as bisexual and being a woman flies in the face of slut-shamers and assholes who would try to dictate my identity one way or the other. It’s non-monosexual and confuses the shit out of everyone.

My identity is just as valid as yours. I more than appreciate that identifying as queer or pansexual is a healing and awesome act. However, please don’t take a giant dump on my identity while you do so!

Elementary.

cheatthis:

morningchorus:

lord-of-the-night:

Let’s make it clear. I don’t hate the actors who play in the show, because I kinda like Lucy Liu and Jonny Lee Miller. What I hate is that the americans have turned John Watson into a damn girl. I mean… why?! The only reason is that they wanted Holmes and Watson to flirt, and if Watson had been a man it would have been wrong ‘cause they’re both men.
And also, I watched the Trailer and that’s not Sherlock Holmes. That’s CSI.

So, yes, I hate the show because it’s clearly copied from BBC’s Sherlock and it’s completely different from the books.
 
Deal with it. 

Lucy Lui is woman, not a “damn girl”. Sorry, but your sexism is showing. 

Claiming homophobia as a reason, when there is no relationship between between Holmes and Watson to begin with, is pretty fucking offensive to gay people. Don’t use us to cover up your blatant sexism.

There are many adaptations of Sherlock, and BBC doesn’t own it.

Deal with it.  

Seriously where the fuck were all these people when Irene fell in love with a man? No one seemed to give a fuck about queer people then. But ofc, it’s less offensive for a canon lesbian to be turned straight than it is for a canon straight dude to be turned… straight.

Wait, what?

seriously sherlock fans, where were you?

Quoting the dictionary

my-slightly-awkward:

Invariably in the ”queer doesn’t mean anything, how dare you uppity LGBT people be exclusive of asexuality*” discussions someone will quote the dictionary (specifically the merriam-webster, oddly). In the merriam webster queer is defined as something along the lines of ‘differing from normal’ (though it is also noted that it is a derogatory slur**). Kay cool.

Now lets take a look at how the merriam webster defines asexual: ”1) lacking functional sex organs 2)A) Involving or reproducing by reproductive processes (as cell division, spore formation, fission or budding) that do not involve the union of individuals or gametes 2)B) Produced by asexual reproduction C) Devoid of sexuality

Oh wow look, maybe the dictionary isn’t the best place to go for definitions of societal groups?!?

*please note the use of asexuality, as in the identity, rather than asexuals because I am well aware that there are LGBTQ aces.

**pop quiz: which of these definitions do you think is the one that (parts) of the LGBT community are trying to reclaim, a.k.a. which definition is actually relevant in this context?

lol, i love this

SIGNAL BOOST: Affordable massage therapy for queer and trans people of color

wildseedwellness:

Peace. Hopefully, by now you know that I’m working on a fundraiser to help secure a space for my massage therapy practice Wild Seed Wellness at the Living Room Project in West Oakland. We still need to raise about $1600 by JUNE 2 (less than 2 weeks away!) to reach our goal. Moving to this space will allow for 420 possible appointments in 6 months, which is significantly more than what I’m able to accomplish now out of my home.

Please consider donating what you can. Suggested donation is $25 which will also earn you the perk of a self-care package, but we’ll gladly accept $100 or $5, whatever you can give. Additionally, I ask that you repost the link to the campaign. Queer and trans people of color, this is your chance to create the change you wish to see. Allies, this is such a great way to show your support for queer and trans people of color. 62 people have donated so far. Join them.

http://www.indiegogo.com/WildSeedWellnessSpace?a=236527

With gratitude and excitement,

Ana

Wild Seed Wellness

wildseedwellness.com

The official scoop:

Wild Seed Wellness (WSW) offers affordable massage therapy for queer and trans people of color in Oakland. Massage therapy services at Wild Seed Wellness are sliding scale so that clients are able to afford to make healing a priority and a routine. The 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month are donation based days. In order to expand and offer more appointments, WSW is moving to the Living Room Project, an accessible healing justice practice/community space for queer and trans people of color, in West Oakland. Yay! Right now, it’s necessary for WSW to raise $3500 dollars by June 2 to pay for 6 months rent.

Sexuality and why asexuals are not oppressed or queer

So feeling the need to vent some thoughts, the whole GSM thing pissed me off. And this has been brewing for some time anyway. So here goes for a wall of text and TW for mentions of rape, homophobia, and sexism.

I’m 27 years old. I realized I was a lesbian less than a year ago. Before then I identified as bisexual for about ten years, admitting my attraction to women to myself and others, but not fully realizing it. I in no way think bisexuality is just a stepping stone to being gay or lesbian, though i think it is seen that way and used that way because figuring out your sexuality is really fucking hard in a default straight world. 

I grew up in the first state to allow gay marriage in the US, and yet I couldn’t figure out till I was 26 that I was a lesbian and had absolutely no attraction to men. I grew up disabled in a dysfunctional alcoholic family. I went to Catholic church on Sunday and Catholic school until I graduated high school. I was taught the Catholic stance on homosexuality, which is to accept the person as gay, but it was a burden and never to act on it.

I never really dated, my sexual experience is minimal, and I can list only two boyfriends, and that was 7 years ago. Some might consider me asexual, but I know better. I know what’s holding me back and it isn’t a lack of sexual attraction or drive, it’s society. I grew up around straight people, I was raised as if I was a straight person, I was taught to be a straight person, I was taught that if I was gay, that’s ok, just don’t act on it. 

I grew up around homophobia, even though my parents where accepting of my bisexual, and later lesbian identity. I was surrounded by people who would say things like “Gay people are ok, as long as they don’t hit on me” or “Gay sex is gross.” and let’s not forget the sexism with “Vaginas are gross” and so much more. I internalized a lot of this shit for years, not realizing I was just hating myself. 

I look at my life now at 27 and realize, I don’t know how to date, how to meet people, how to connect. I’ve grown complacent in my loneliness, but I never stop wanting to meet that special someone, who I know now could only be a woman. I’m stunted sexually because I grew up in a default straight society that didn’t want any gay people fucking and a sexist society that told me to be a virgin, or I’m a slut. This is why the homophobia and appropriation by the asexual community pisses me the fuck off.

Not only that, when I see asexuality posts from teens who are so sure they know they’re asexual I can only wonder what their experiences are that they are shutting themselves out from ever truly learning. Accepting and embracing a label that as far as I can see, does what a lot of sexists and homophobes want. I wonder that because I almost thought I was asexual too.

However, luckily,I never stopped learning and my thirst for knowledge helped me figure things out, as well as my experiences. I also stopped trying to be right about everything and instead tried to listen and continue learning. Truth is not absolute, and holding that belief dear helped me listen to other LGBT people and realize, holy shit, I’m not alone, I’m just like them, and I know who I am now. All those confusing thoughts about being a lesbian and what it meant was answered, because I knew it wasn’t just an identity but a journey and there were people there with me. I’m still figuring this out, but I have help now. 

You have to learn who you are, sometimes the answers come easy, but sometimes they don’t, especially if you have prejudice and misunderstanding in your way. To quote Ellen Degeneres, “What I’m saying is that when you’re older, most of you will be gay.”

This shared experience of oppression that varies in many degrees is what makes the LGBT community a community. It’s why so many of us are saying as loud as we can NO TO STRAIGHT PEOPLE. We have the right to our own community, we fought and died for our rights and for our queer spaces. Yes there maybe be divisions within, but we share the same queer label thrown at us in hatred, the same history of oppression. And whether we embrace that label or not we sure as shit get to tell someone who is not queer to stop taking our identity. 

Believe it or not, I do not have a problem with asexuality as an identity, claim it if you want, but what I have problem with is asexuals trying to use that identity to appropriate queer without any consideration to the history and usage as a slur. I have a problem with straight asexuals talking about coming out, as if they face the same risk of being disowned and abandoned like we do. I have a problem with asexuals claiming LGBT people have sexual privilege over them, when the basic reason for all of homophobia is that people don’t want us to fuck. We are threatened, hated, beaten, raped, and killed for who we want to love and have sex with. In no way do we have any sexual privilege. 

Furthermore, in no way is asexuality an oppression. I don’t care how the fuck you define it, but being someone who is not sexually active is actually the desired society in this fucked up world. In this sexist world, women should be saving themselves for marriage, for that special someone (looking at you demisexuals and your ridiculous label) and if we don’t, we’re sluts and whores. In the homophobic world, they don’t want to know about us. Lesbians are not real we just need “a good deep dicking” They’re upset too much by the way we fuck. And then some straight people think they’re being magnanimous by accepting us but not wanting us to “act on our devious desires” or just not say anything because it’s gross. 

Please, asexuals, tell me how the fuck you can claim queer when the worst you get is misunderstanding and erasure? And yes, I’m quite aware of corrective rape, which happens to asexuals and lesbians, and for many other reasons. That has more to do with sexism and rape culture than specifically asexuality or even homosexuality. 

The point of all this, is yes, you have an identity. Sure, you can make a community to share experiences and get support, but stop trying to fucking appropriate ours. GET YOUR FUCKING OWN and stop saying sexist and homophobic shit. And straight people, just shut the fuck up.

Oh and FYI, please don’t cry about the sanctity of your tag. Communities aren’t based on fucking tumblr tags. 

cheatthis:

slattern:

do you ever just reminisce about your childhood

and think to yourself

‘fuck how did I not realize sooner that I was totally gay.’

all the time omfg

yup. oh that 20/20 hindsight

ugh I have a pretty high tolerance for general asinine rhetoric

missvoltairine:

but I can’t fucking stand the “you [queer people] are being JUST AS BAD AS HOMOPHOBES [to straight people]!”

no you douchebag, that’s the point, there is no way for queer people to be “just as bad” to straight people a homophobes are to gay people, that is why “homophobia” IS A THING

It’s all the same fucking bullshit, they continuously argue strawmen.

I wish they’d get their heads out of their pseudo-philosophical hair-splitting asses and take a fucking look at history and the way the word queer was used and stop referring to a fucking dictionary. It was a slur against us, therefore we do in fact get to tell people, no you’re not queer when they do not identify as LGBT. heteromantic ace and aromantic aces are fucking straight because they will never experience actual homophobia.

NNo one fucking opresses you for not fucking. everything society has told me is that gay people should never fuck. That’s why it’s beyond shitty the appropriation and straight out homophobic crap coming from straight aces.