Morning Chorus

harmonioussanctity:

voltafiish:

Alright.

My “LOL WELL I DRANK STAG BLOOD AND BECAME WHITE AND MALE” was sarcasm. Because… well… I’m still a black person. 

And, actually, yes, many people have DONE SO. And the OP that started this whole thing DID SO. AGAIN. Like they did LAST TIME. Last time it was “omg women have to be pure and be saved for their husbands in this society or else they are whores” (which is something only white women deal with because women of colour (particularaly black women in my case) are already seen as whores and hypersexualized and assumed sexual by default WHICH THEREFORE THEIR STATEMENT ASSUMES ALL ACES ARE WHITE CIS WOMEN) and this time it’s not so much different but instead we have white cis males instead.

Low and behold, there is a problem in talking in a way that groups all aces under the label of white cis hetero whatever. In fact, it’s a problem if anyone does this for any group. It’s really upsetting.

I’m having trouble exactly seeing that, honestly.  Morningchorus said that the atheist community was made up of mostly middle class white men (which is itself a problematic generalization don’t get me wrong I won’t argue that) complaining about religion as if it were the cause of sexism without realizing that sexism was the cause of the sexism in the religion.  She said that it reminded her of asexual people on tumblr.  She didn’t say that they were middle class white dudes.  She said the actions of asexual people reminded her of those middle class white dudes.

And really, the actions that she’s talking about which really stuck out to me are the arguing from a place without experience.  Because, well, I’ve had to deal with asexual people telling me that the homophobia they experience for being homoromantic is worse than the homophobia I experience for being homosexual because of allosexism or whatever new word they’re coming up with to describe sexual supremacy.

I don’t know maybe I’m reading the OP wrong?

nope, you reading me right. and yeah, i’m generalizing a bit, but my experiences irl and online where that, but that didn’t mean there weren’t women, poc andor lgbt people present. i still consider myself an atheist, despite my problem with the way the community presents itself. 

(Source: morningchorus)

partysoft:

alacrious-blue-galaxy:

The hard part about being asexual is when you tell people you don’t want to date any boys and they assume you’re a lesbian.

oh god how do you survive

The are no Oppression Olympics, just the difference between prejudice and oppression.

galesofnovember:

morningchorus:

It occurs to me why asexuals on tumblr annoy the fuck out of me. It’s because they remind me so much of the atheist community I used to be involved in. It was mostly middle class white guys and I was convinced atheism was the worst oppression to face, but then reality smacked me in the face, well mostly their own misogyny towards me and other women.

I know the atheist arguments so well because I used to make them. They argue from a place without experience so as they shout out against sexism in the bible, they actually fail to realize that biggest reason why sexism exists is men. Of course the typical atheist, especially the internet one, is ignorant of what sexism, homophobia, racism, and other oppressions are really about.

So while yes, people can be prejudiced against atheists, they’re not oppressed, there is no institutionalized oppression against atheists, no murders happening today on the streets because they’re atheist. Yet, they won’t hesitate to appropriate struggles of other people, and if you dare say they’re not oppressed they whip up the worst, yet rare and far between incidents of against atheists as if it happens to them on a daily basis. They even appropriate the “coming out” of gay people, bc telling your parents you’re an atheist is the same thing as gay, riiiight.

And that’s not to say people aren’t ignorant about atheists, and it’s really fucking sad when parents won’t allow their children to believe as they want, but they’re not oppressed.

Ring a bell asexuals? because this is exactly what you do too.

And invariably I’ll get the but I’m “insert actual oppressed identity” then i’m not talking about you, but if you’re going to defend straight asexuals appropriating my identity and pulling this shit, then you’re not helping the LGBTQ cause. Demisexuality and Asexuality is not an oppression. I’ve never claimed they don’t get shit, but it’s not the same. Learn the difference.

I think an important unifying factor is that both groups are heavily made up of nerds.  And I really hate nerds.  Scratch the surface of any nerdy dude and you will find oozing piles of resentment against women and queer people and especially against queer women. 

Very true.

The are no Oppression Olympics, just the difference between prejudice and oppression.

It occurs to me why asexuals on tumblr annoy the fuck out of me. It’s because they remind me so much of the atheist community I used to be involved in. It was mostly middle class white guys and I was convinced atheism was the worst oppression to face, but then reality smacked me in the face, well mostly their own misogyny towards me and other women.

I know the atheist arguments so well because I used to make them. They argue from a place without experience so as they shout out against sexism in the bible, they actually fail to realize that biggest reason why sexism exists is men. Of course the typical atheist, especially the internet one, is ignorant of what sexism, homophobia, racism, and other oppressions are really about.

So while yes, people can be prejudiced against atheists, they’re not oppressed, there is no institutionalized oppression against atheists, no murders happening today on the streets because they’re atheist. Yet, they won’t hesitate to appropriate struggles of other people, and if you dare say they’re not oppressed they whip up the worst, yet rare and far between incidents of against atheists as if it happens to them on a daily basis. They even appropriate the “coming out” of gay people, bc telling your parents you’re an atheist is the same thing as gay, riiiight.

And that’s not to say people aren’t ignorant about atheists, and it’s really fucking sad when parents won’t allow their children to believe as they want, but they’re not oppressed.

Ring a bell asexuals? because this is exactly what you do too.

And invariably I’ll get the but I’m “insert actual oppressed identity” then i’m not talking about you, but if you’re going to defend straight asexuals appropriating my identity and pulling this shit, then you’re not helping the LGBTQ cause. Demisexuality and Asexuality is not an oppression. I’ve never claimed they don’t get shit, but it’s not the same. Learn the difference.

desliz:

Men’s Acts, not Women’s Choices: “Quantum Consent”

galesofnovember:

radtransfem:

And while I’m linking articles from evebitfirst, here’s a great one* on “quantum” consent (do you remember Schrodinger’s Rapist? like that)

(* eve makes some claims about prostitution that I don’t know enough about to endorse or not, I’m linking it for the consent discussion)

I’m not sure I agree with every point,  but I think the last paragraph is particularily insightful:

“The issue isn’t just whether an individual woman (or women as a class) are expressing “intrinsic” “individual” desires (as opposed to culturally-imposed ones), but why men are willing to go along with it. There’s something particularly disturbing about men who are big supporters of third-wave, “post-modern,” “sex-positive” feminism. And this is it: they may echo all the right words about consent and agency, but they’re using the focus on females’ gatekeeper “responsibility” to continue their objectification and exploitation of women.”

As much as I rag on the asexuality movement, I must admit that it appears to be more or less in reaction to this; the focus on consent (complete with phrases like “consent is sexy!”, which makes an obvious, if unintentional, implication about what not consenting is) complete fails to equip women with the ability to talk about what they don’t want, sexually. Of course, asexuality has approached this by going to the other extreme, portraying “sexual attraction” as this zombifying menace that makes one incapable of folding laundry without being paralyzed by sexual fantasies, but mainstream feminism as it stands has done a piss-poor job of addressing the needs of women who don’t want to prioritize their attractiveness, or who don’t actually like penetration that much, or who resent the implication that they must be sexually available to anyone at any time (which includes, in a roundabout way, giving your stamp of approval to anything the patriarchy presents as desirable). Instead, they turn to ridiculous Tumblr microcategorization of sexuality because sex-positive feminists are too busy talking about which waterproof mascara holds up best when radically deepthroating your man. There is no recognition of the grey area that contains the situations and emotions that come between “rape” and “enthusiatic consent”. I don’t question why people want to be excused from that game. We fail to give them the tools they need to defend themselves and then demand they do it anyway.

Sexuality and why asexuals are not oppressed or queer

bananapeppers:

morningchorus:

So feeling the need to vent some thoughts, the whole GSM thing* pissed me off. And this has been brewing for some time anyway. So here goes for a wall of text and TW for mentions of rape, homophobia, and sexism.

Read More →

*Gender and/or Sexuality Minority. morningchorus is referring to the usage of GSM by some as a replacement for LGBTQ or similar.

two points. I am directing them to anyone who responded to the post with

• celibacy ≠ asexuality; or

• the blame for morningchorus’s experiences of homophobia falls on her Catholic environment only

1. celibacy is deliberate abstinence from sexual activity despite desiring sexual activity. when nonasexual LGB people talk about the pressures from family, friends, religious bodies, or greater society to be asexual, “celibacy” does not tell a complete story. for the individuals and groups who are pressuring us, it is not enough that we abstain from gay-male or lesbian sex. we must also, somehow, lose our sexual thoughts. consider what the intended results of genital electroshocking were/are. the whole point of “therapies” such as genital electroshocking is to render us asexual, not celibate. we are encouraged to dismiss or counter our sexual thoughts until they stop coming.

2. I won’t deny Christianities’ roles in spreading, enforcing, and reinforcing homophobia. my point then is that an LGB person does not need to grow up in a Catholic environment to receive those same homophobic messages. lots of LGB people do not grow up in Catholic environments and receive those same messages. I grew up removed from Christianity, with a Jewish/atheist upbringing, and I have received the same messages—by having (Christian) friends, by having classmates, by going to mental healthcare providers and psych-hospital staff, by socializing with acquaintances, by reading. there are sources I cannot pinpoint because the idea that I should not even have sexual thoughts about other women seems like it’s everywhere.

Thank you <3

Sexuality and why asexuals are not oppressed or queer

So feeling the need to vent some thoughts, the whole GSM thing pissed me off. And this has been brewing for some time anyway. So here goes for a wall of text and TW for mentions of rape, homophobia, and sexism.

I’m 27 years old. I realized I was a lesbian less than a year ago. Before then I identified as bisexual for about ten years, admitting my attraction to women to myself and others, but not fully realizing it. I in no way think bisexuality is just a stepping stone to being gay or lesbian, though i think it is seen that way and used that way because figuring out your sexuality is really fucking hard in a default straight world. 

I grew up in the first state to allow gay marriage in the US, and yet I couldn’t figure out till I was 26 that I was a lesbian and had absolutely no attraction to men. I grew up disabled in a dysfunctional alcoholic family. I went to Catholic church on Sunday and Catholic school until I graduated high school. I was taught the Catholic stance on homosexuality, which is to accept the person as gay, but it was a burden and never to act on it.

I never really dated, my sexual experience is minimal, and I can list only two boyfriends, and that was 7 years ago. Some might consider me asexual, but I know better. I know what’s holding me back and it isn’t a lack of sexual attraction or drive, it’s society. I grew up around straight people, I was raised as if I was a straight person, I was taught to be a straight person, I was taught that if I was gay, that’s ok, just don’t act on it. 

I grew up around homophobia, even though my parents where accepting of my bisexual, and later lesbian identity. I was surrounded by people who would say things like “Gay people are ok, as long as they don’t hit on me” or “Gay sex is gross.” and let’s not forget the sexism with “Vaginas are gross” and so much more. I internalized a lot of this shit for years, not realizing I was just hating myself. 

I look at my life now at 27 and realize, I don’t know how to date, how to meet people, how to connect. I’ve grown complacent in my loneliness, but I never stop wanting to meet that special someone, who I know now could only be a woman. I’m stunted sexually because I grew up in a default straight society that didn’t want any gay people fucking and a sexist society that told me to be a virgin, or I’m a slut. This is why the homophobia and appropriation by the asexual community pisses me the fuck off.

Not only that, when I see asexuality posts from teens who are so sure they know they’re asexual I can only wonder what their experiences are that they are shutting themselves out from ever truly learning. Accepting and embracing a label that as far as I can see, does what a lot of sexists and homophobes want. I wonder that because I almost thought I was asexual too.

However, luckily,I never stopped learning and my thirst for knowledge helped me figure things out, as well as my experiences. I also stopped trying to be right about everything and instead tried to listen and continue learning. Truth is not absolute, and holding that belief dear helped me listen to other LGBT people and realize, holy shit, I’m not alone, I’m just like them, and I know who I am now. All those confusing thoughts about being a lesbian and what it meant was answered, because I knew it wasn’t just an identity but a journey and there were people there with me. I’m still figuring this out, but I have help now. 

You have to learn who you are, sometimes the answers come easy, but sometimes they don’t, especially if you have prejudice and misunderstanding in your way. To quote Ellen Degeneres, “What I’m saying is that when you’re older, most of you will be gay.”

This shared experience of oppression that varies in many degrees is what makes the LGBT community a community. It’s why so many of us are saying as loud as we can NO TO STRAIGHT PEOPLE. We have the right to our own community, we fought and died for our rights and for our queer spaces. Yes there maybe be divisions within, but we share the same queer label thrown at us in hatred, the same history of oppression. And whether we embrace that label or not we sure as shit get to tell someone who is not queer to stop taking our identity. 

Believe it or not, I do not have a problem with asexuality as an identity, claim it if you want, but what I have problem with is asexuals trying to use that identity to appropriate queer without any consideration to the history and usage as a slur. I have a problem with straight asexuals talking about coming out, as if they face the same risk of being disowned and abandoned like we do. I have a problem with asexuals claiming LGBT people have sexual privilege over them, when the basic reason for all of homophobia is that people don’t want us to fuck. We are threatened, hated, beaten, raped, and killed for who we want to love and have sex with. In no way do we have any sexual privilege. 

Furthermore, in no way is asexuality an oppression. I don’t care how the fuck you define it, but being someone who is not sexually active is actually the desired society in this fucked up world. In this sexist world, women should be saving themselves for marriage, for that special someone (looking at you demisexuals and your ridiculous label) and if we don’t, we’re sluts and whores. In the homophobic world, they don’t want to know about us. Lesbians are not real we just need “a good deep dicking” They’re upset too much by the way we fuck. And then some straight people think they’re being magnanimous by accepting us but not wanting us to “act on our devious desires” or just not say anything because it’s gross. 

Please, asexuals, tell me how the fuck you can claim queer when the worst you get is misunderstanding and erasure? And yes, I’m quite aware of corrective rape, which happens to asexuals and lesbians, and for many other reasons. That has more to do with sexism and rape culture than specifically asexuality or even homosexuality. 

The point of all this, is yes, you have an identity. Sure, you can make a community to share experiences and get support, but stop trying to fucking appropriate ours. GET YOUR FUCKING OWN and stop saying sexist and homophobic shit. And straight people, just shut the fuck up.

Oh and FYI, please don’t cry about the sanctity of your tag. Communities aren’t based on fucking tumblr tags. 

I’m coming out (or not)

desliz:

So here’s the thing about asexuality; it has no coherent definition. I see a lot of posts all over Tumblr describing the five hundred ways you can be sexually active and still call yourself asexual. Most of them sound pretty familiar and mundane to any sexually active adult, but there is a constant insistence that this is not true and asexuals experience the exact same thing differently.

As a sexually active woman with a high sex drive, I must confess that the following asexual spectrum things (culled from various asexual community posts) apply to me:

1. I would not have sex with everyone I find sexually attractive, even if I could be guaranteed that there would be no consequences to it. As I don’t live in such an ideal world, that lengthens the list some more.

2. I have had sex with people I felt no sexual attraction to because they wanted to have sex with me and I just wanted to have sex.

3. I did not develop sexual feelings for some people until after getting to know what a kind, sweet, intelligent person they were.

4. I can look at someone and appreciate their beauty without wanting to jump their bones.

5. I do not like being coerced into sex, even with people I enjoy nonsexual physical contact with.

6. The way I experience sexual pleasure and desire is not represented in popular media, and what IS depicted often alienates me.

7. It can be difficult to find people who fully understand and are willing to accommodate my sexual boundaries.

8. I can watch movies full of ostensibly hot actors and find none of them attractive.

9. I find that sexual pleasure is greatly enhanced by a feeling of mental and emotional connection with my partner, as well as providing sexual satisfaction to my partner.

In fact, the only reason I can find for not identifying myself as on the asexual spectrum is the fact that I don’t want to. No matter how many dicks I land on or pussies I faceplant in, I too could write a 100% truthful account of my sexual history and still defend it as uniquely asexual, just as long as I refused to spend too much time examining the influences of sexism and homophobia on my experiences. It’s no wonder so many of these posts contain sad comments from kids who just want to know if there are any other asexuals who simply don’t want to have sex, ever.

Here’s the other curious thing, the thing which keeps me from taking asexuality as defined by Tumblr seriously as an orientation. If, for instance, a young woman approached me and said that lately she was beginning to feel a strong attraction towards another woman, I would gently inquire if she had considered the possibility that she was bisexual or lesbian. The definitions for those orientations are fairly straightforward. I have no doubt one could locate an internet forum for 100% Straight Women who enjoy 100% Not Gay Sex with other 100% Straight Women, but most of society realizes this is bullshit. For similar reasons, frat boys who think it’s clever to call themselves lesbians are also dismissed. Nevertheless, no matter how many times you tell a Tumblr asexual/demisexual that you have experienced exactly the same thing they have just described as unique to their orientation, they will never reply with, “Have you considered the possibility that you are asexual?” Instead, you will get a lot of angry comments about how NO, it’s NOT and you just need to stop talking about things you have never experienced, even if you have experienced them, because theirs is DIFFERENT.

This is because asexuality/demisexuality etc., are not actual orientations with fixed definitions. They are a subculture that prides itself on being distinct from a vast and poorly differentiated group called “sexuals”. Don’t you dare suggest it has something to do with cultural neuroses about sex and what we think about people who pursue it freely and without apparent boundaries! They fuck, desire, want, enjoy, exactly the same except that they don’t, because they are not asexual. You will never understand this until you start calling yourself asexual and splitting every emotion you have ever felt into smaller and smaller pieces and examining each one for signs of undue sexual attraction. We all can do it! What’s stopping you, my asexual friends?

well fucking said <3