Morning Chorus

Quoting the dictionary

my-slightly-awkward:

Invariably in the ”queer doesn’t mean anything, how dare you uppity LGBT people be exclusive of asexuality*” discussions someone will quote the dictionary (specifically the merriam-webster, oddly). In the merriam webster queer is defined as something along the lines of ‘differing from normal’ (though it is also noted that it is a derogatory slur**). Kay cool.

Now lets take a look at how the merriam webster defines asexual: ”1) lacking functional sex organs 2)A) Involving or reproducing by reproductive processes (as cell division, spore formation, fission or budding) that do not involve the union of individuals or gametes 2)B) Produced by asexual reproduction C) Devoid of sexuality

Oh wow look, maybe the dictionary isn’t the best place to go for definitions of societal groups?!?

*please note the use of asexuality, as in the identity, rather than asexuals because I am well aware that there are LGBTQ aces.

**pop quiz: which of these definitions do you think is the one that (parts) of the LGBT community are trying to reclaim, a.k.a. which definition is actually relevant in this context?

lol, i love this

Sexuality and why asexuals are not oppressed or queer

bananapeppers:

morningchorus:

So feeling the need to vent some thoughts, the whole GSM thing* pissed me off. And this has been brewing for some time anyway. So here goes for a wall of text and TW for mentions of rape, homophobia, and sexism.

Read More →

*Gender and/or Sexuality Minority. morningchorus is referring to the usage of GSM by some as a replacement for LGBTQ or similar.

two points. I am directing them to anyone who responded to the post with

• celibacy ≠ asexuality; or

• the blame for morningchorus’s experiences of homophobia falls on her Catholic environment only

1. celibacy is deliberate abstinence from sexual activity despite desiring sexual activity. when nonasexual LGB people talk about the pressures from family, friends, religious bodies, or greater society to be asexual, “celibacy” does not tell a complete story. for the individuals and groups who are pressuring us, it is not enough that we abstain from gay-male or lesbian sex. we must also, somehow, lose our sexual thoughts. consider what the intended results of genital electroshocking were/are. the whole point of “therapies” such as genital electroshocking is to render us asexual, not celibate. we are encouraged to dismiss or counter our sexual thoughts until they stop coming.

2. I won’t deny Christianities’ roles in spreading, enforcing, and reinforcing homophobia. my point then is that an LGB person does not need to grow up in a Catholic environment to receive those same homophobic messages. lots of LGB people do not grow up in Catholic environments and receive those same messages. I grew up removed from Christianity, with a Jewish/atheist upbringing, and I have received the same messages—by having (Christian) friends, by having classmates, by going to mental healthcare providers and psych-hospital staff, by socializing with acquaintances, by reading. there are sources I cannot pinpoint because the idea that I should not even have sexual thoughts about other women seems like it’s everywhere.

Thank you <3

Sexuality and why asexuals are not oppressed or queer

So feeling the need to vent some thoughts, the whole GSM thing pissed me off. And this has been brewing for some time anyway. So here goes for a wall of text and TW for mentions of rape, homophobia, and sexism.

I’m 27 years old. I realized I was a lesbian less than a year ago. Before then I identified as bisexual for about ten years, admitting my attraction to women to myself and others, but not fully realizing it. I in no way think bisexuality is just a stepping stone to being gay or lesbian, though i think it is seen that way and used that way because figuring out your sexuality is really fucking hard in a default straight world. 

I grew up in the first state to allow gay marriage in the US, and yet I couldn’t figure out till I was 26 that I was a lesbian and had absolutely no attraction to men. I grew up disabled in a dysfunctional alcoholic family. I went to Catholic church on Sunday and Catholic school until I graduated high school. I was taught the Catholic stance on homosexuality, which is to accept the person as gay, but it was a burden and never to act on it.

I never really dated, my sexual experience is minimal, and I can list only two boyfriends, and that was 7 years ago. Some might consider me asexual, but I know better. I know what’s holding me back and it isn’t a lack of sexual attraction or drive, it’s society. I grew up around straight people, I was raised as if I was a straight person, I was taught to be a straight person, I was taught that if I was gay, that’s ok, just don’t act on it. 

I grew up around homophobia, even though my parents where accepting of my bisexual, and later lesbian identity. I was surrounded by people who would say things like “Gay people are ok, as long as they don’t hit on me” or “Gay sex is gross.” and let’s not forget the sexism with “Vaginas are gross” and so much more. I internalized a lot of this shit for years, not realizing I was just hating myself. 

I look at my life now at 27 and realize, I don’t know how to date, how to meet people, how to connect. I’ve grown complacent in my loneliness, but I never stop wanting to meet that special someone, who I know now could only be a woman. I’m stunted sexually because I grew up in a default straight society that didn’t want any gay people fucking and a sexist society that told me to be a virgin, or I’m a slut. This is why the homophobia and appropriation by the asexual community pisses me the fuck off.

Not only that, when I see asexuality posts from teens who are so sure they know they’re asexual I can only wonder what their experiences are that they are shutting themselves out from ever truly learning. Accepting and embracing a label that as far as I can see, does what a lot of sexists and homophobes want. I wonder that because I almost thought I was asexual too.

However, luckily,I never stopped learning and my thirst for knowledge helped me figure things out, as well as my experiences. I also stopped trying to be right about everything and instead tried to listen and continue learning. Truth is not absolute, and holding that belief dear helped me listen to other LGBT people and realize, holy shit, I’m not alone, I’m just like them, and I know who I am now. All those confusing thoughts about being a lesbian and what it meant was answered, because I knew it wasn’t just an identity but a journey and there were people there with me. I’m still figuring this out, but I have help now. 

You have to learn who you are, sometimes the answers come easy, but sometimes they don’t, especially if you have prejudice and misunderstanding in your way. To quote Ellen Degeneres, “What I’m saying is that when you’re older, most of you will be gay.”

This shared experience of oppression that varies in many degrees is what makes the LGBT community a community. It’s why so many of us are saying as loud as we can NO TO STRAIGHT PEOPLE. We have the right to our own community, we fought and died for our rights and for our queer spaces. Yes there maybe be divisions within, but we share the same queer label thrown at us in hatred, the same history of oppression. And whether we embrace that label or not we sure as shit get to tell someone who is not queer to stop taking our identity. 

Believe it or not, I do not have a problem with asexuality as an identity, claim it if you want, but what I have problem with is asexuals trying to use that identity to appropriate queer without any consideration to the history and usage as a slur. I have a problem with straight asexuals talking about coming out, as if they face the same risk of being disowned and abandoned like we do. I have a problem with asexuals claiming LGBT people have sexual privilege over them, when the basic reason for all of homophobia is that people don’t want us to fuck. We are threatened, hated, beaten, raped, and killed for who we want to love and have sex with. In no way do we have any sexual privilege. 

Furthermore, in no way is asexuality an oppression. I don’t care how the fuck you define it, but being someone who is not sexually active is actually the desired society in this fucked up world. In this sexist world, women should be saving themselves for marriage, for that special someone (looking at you demisexuals and your ridiculous label) and if we don’t, we’re sluts and whores. In the homophobic world, they don’t want to know about us. Lesbians are not real we just need “a good deep dicking” They’re upset too much by the way we fuck. And then some straight people think they’re being magnanimous by accepting us but not wanting us to “act on our devious desires” or just not say anything because it’s gross. 

Please, asexuals, tell me how the fuck you can claim queer when the worst you get is misunderstanding and erasure? And yes, I’m quite aware of corrective rape, which happens to asexuals and lesbians, and for many other reasons. That has more to do with sexism and rape culture than specifically asexuality or even homosexuality. 

The point of all this, is yes, you have an identity. Sure, you can make a community to share experiences and get support, but stop trying to fucking appropriate ours. GET YOUR FUCKING OWN and stop saying sexist and homophobic shit. And straight people, just shut the fuck up.

Oh and FYI, please don’t cry about the sanctity of your tag. Communities aren’t based on fucking tumblr tags. 

I’m coming out (or not)

desliz:

So here’s the thing about asexuality; it has no coherent definition. I see a lot of posts all over Tumblr describing the five hundred ways you can be sexually active and still call yourself asexual. Most of them sound pretty familiar and mundane to any sexually active adult, but there is a constant insistence that this is not true and asexuals experience the exact same thing differently.

As a sexually active woman with a high sex drive, I must confess that the following asexual spectrum things (culled from various asexual community posts) apply to me:

1. I would not have sex with everyone I find sexually attractive, even if I could be guaranteed that there would be no consequences to it. As I don’t live in such an ideal world, that lengthens the list some more.

2. I have had sex with people I felt no sexual attraction to because they wanted to have sex with me and I just wanted to have sex.

3. I did not develop sexual feelings for some people until after getting to know what a kind, sweet, intelligent person they were.

4. I can look at someone and appreciate their beauty without wanting to jump their bones.

5. I do not like being coerced into sex, even with people I enjoy nonsexual physical contact with.

6. The way I experience sexual pleasure and desire is not represented in popular media, and what IS depicted often alienates me.

7. It can be difficult to find people who fully understand and are willing to accommodate my sexual boundaries.

8. I can watch movies full of ostensibly hot actors and find none of them attractive.

9. I find that sexual pleasure is greatly enhanced by a feeling of mental and emotional connection with my partner, as well as providing sexual satisfaction to my partner.

In fact, the only reason I can find for not identifying myself as on the asexual spectrum is the fact that I don’t want to. No matter how many dicks I land on or pussies I faceplant in, I too could write a 100% truthful account of my sexual history and still defend it as uniquely asexual, just as long as I refused to spend too much time examining the influences of sexism and homophobia on my experiences. It’s no wonder so many of these posts contain sad comments from kids who just want to know if there are any other asexuals who simply don’t want to have sex, ever.

Here’s the other curious thing, the thing which keeps me from taking asexuality as defined by Tumblr seriously as an orientation. If, for instance, a young woman approached me and said that lately she was beginning to feel a strong attraction towards another woman, I would gently inquire if she had considered the possibility that she was bisexual or lesbian. The definitions for those orientations are fairly straightforward. I have no doubt one could locate an internet forum for 100% Straight Women who enjoy 100% Not Gay Sex with other 100% Straight Women, but most of society realizes this is bullshit. For similar reasons, frat boys who think it’s clever to call themselves lesbians are also dismissed. Nevertheless, no matter how many times you tell a Tumblr asexual/demisexual that you have experienced exactly the same thing they have just described as unique to their orientation, they will never reply with, “Have you considered the possibility that you are asexual?” Instead, you will get a lot of angry comments about how NO, it’s NOT and you just need to stop talking about things you have never experienced, even if you have experienced them, because theirs is DIFFERENT.

This is because asexuality/demisexuality etc., are not actual orientations with fixed definitions. They are a subculture that prides itself on being distinct from a vast and poorly differentiated group called “sexuals”. Don’t you dare suggest it has something to do with cultural neuroses about sex and what we think about people who pursue it freely and without apparent boundaries! They fuck, desire, want, enjoy, exactly the same except that they don’t, because they are not asexual. You will never understand this until you start calling yourself asexual and splitting every emotion you have ever felt into smaller and smaller pieces and examining each one for signs of undue sexual attraction. We all can do it! What’s stopping you, my asexual friends?

well fucking said <3

Here’s a thought:

tumblr is full of asexies

tumblr is full of anglophiles

anglophile asexies = only attracted to men they consider totally non-threatening sexually bc they play characters who don’t fuck on screen and are ~polite~ little fragile-looking british stereotypes

THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING

funny how the anglophiles never drool over, say, jason statham

my-slightly-awkward:

C’s Blog: coming out

ibelieveinethan:

ibelieveinethan:

I’m not sure she was intentionally doing that… I don’t know why she wrote it, really, beyond the point of just wanting people to notice asexuals have it tough as well

I still fail to see how that’s normal! Here where I live, and all my LGBTQ friends have not had such serious problems with their family. 

I think we’ve all been asked “are you sure?” but that’s just standard I suppose when people can’t tell from their kids’ early age

Whether she was intentionally doing it or not doesn’t really matter*. Pretending that LGB people have some sort of ‘sexual privilege’ is ridiculously homophobic considering the fact that one of the foundations of homophobia is the persecution of gay people based on their sexual desire, e.g. the gay male community was left to wither away from AIDS because gay men were just ‘disgusting sex fiends’. It’s not necessary to ignore the massive levels of violence committed against people with same sex desire for being ‘sexual’ in order to make a point about asexuals.

-

Maybe you should consider the possibility that where you live is an anomaly then (tone is difficult to read on the internet but I am not being sarcastic, I’m being serious)? Because I know a hell of a lot of LGB people, from many different cities/towns/provinces in my country (and a few from different countries as well) and none of them think that complete family acceptance is the norm.

-

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* also if you had seen the paragraph that I wrote, sans context, would your first response have been “well I don’t think she’s doing that intentionally?”

thank you

(Source: morningchorus)

(TW: Rape, violence, bigotry) coming out

harmonioussanctity:

deaf-autie:

First of all, you’re focusing on one paragraph out of 3; that’s really kinda….nit-picky, but I’ll allow it.

Well yeah I focused only on the one paragraph, it was the only thing I wanted to comment on.  But I’m just so grateful that you allowed it.  Whatever would I have done if I didn’t have your approval?

I’m not claiming homosexuals oppress asexuals, I’m saying we have a very sexual culture as a WHOLE, an attitude of sexuality (the “it”) which leads to oppression of asexuals. While there are very very small minorities of glorification of homosexual activity (regardless of how good/accurate/appropriate/respectful it is) that are NOT indicative of media as a whole, the whole of sexualized media is still, well, sexualized media. Look no further than “True Blood” for occasional (albeit shitty) homosexual glorification; while a tiny-ass percentage, to claim that the whole of sexualized media (including pornography) is hetero is to be kinda blind the the whole of the situation; while the percentage is clearly SMALL, it’s still there. This isn’t to say sexualizing yourself as your preferred body image/being ok with your sexuality is bad (as in, I’m not slut-shaming), I’m saying that there’s really never any respect for asexuality in that regards in that it often comes down to assuming asexuals are broken and ineed of fixing to be properly sexual/sexualized. 

So basically homosexual people don’t oppress asexual people, we just demand for respectful representation which leads to the oppression of asexual people?  Yeah not seeing the difference you seem so sure exists.

But that small percentage of homosexual characters in the media, even if they are sexually active, still often marginalize us.  I can’t speak on True Blood since I know fuck all about it other than vampires and shit, but I can reference Scott Pilgrim in this regard.  Wherein the openly gay character was the “Homosexual people are loveless sex fiends that tempt others” stereotype personified.  And that is a sexual representation of homosexual people which also marginalizes us.

You can’t claim that what we do leads to a culture which oppresses asexuality, when that very culture also marginalizes us along those same lines.  You’re claiming total dominance over an entire section of heteronormativity (which is what this actually is mind you), and then turning around and wagging your finger at homosexual people for being compliant with the very culture which marginalizes us.  That is blaming homosexual people for asexual oppression.

That’s not to say that you can’t criticize culture for being so adamant about sex, though.  I’m not saying you can’t be upset that you get almost no representation.  All I’m asking is that you keep yourself aware that the pressure is for hetero sex and heteronormativity.  I’m just asking that you not support some ~sexual supremacy~ bullshit that really only ever criticizes LGBT people for having the audacity to fight tooth and nail to get what little shitty representation we currently have in the media.  I’m just asking that you place more of your focus on the people who actually DO have any societal pull, and that you stop being so overly critical of a group that has been both overly sexualized by society (which we have been) as well as being shamed for ever being slightly possibly sexual at all (which we also have been).

My point is that you’re being pressured to have hetero sex, while ALL asexuals, regardless of romantic orientation are being pressured to have sex, PERIOD. That’s my main point. There’s a constant pressure to have sex (mostly (but not all) hetero), but it’s a pressure to have sex, nonetheless. This isn’t an Oppression Olympics, it’s a “Jeez, can you possibly consider our oppression in society with regards to sexuality at least on SOME equality?”. I’m not saying either side has it worse, I’m saying that to say the struggles are different is a misnomer, when they’re fundamentally the same: recognition of equality/respect as a genuine sexuality/lack thereof, and respect towards the messages in media/society of our sexualities, which overwhelmingly represent the majority (implying too little room for minority messages). 

And my point is that this isn’t indicative of what can strictly be called asexual oppression.  The demand for sex in a relationship and the immediate assumption that people have sex drives is a relic of heteronormativity.  Especially when you consider that a great deal of society refuses to accept that two women could even HAVE sex.  Often jeering and joking, because as far as society is concerned sex = penis in vagina penetration, and nothing else.

And really where is the pressure to have homo sex, aside from LGBT communities?  And really, what sort of equal pressure do we put on asexual people?  Let’s get real here.  An LGBT community taking a moment out of its day to focus on and talk about sex, due to internalized homophobia often leading MANY LGB people to deny themselves that sort of interaction, is far different than society making sure to remind you that only one type of sex counts as sex (penis vagina penetration) and that you ought to be having lots of that or else you’re broken.  Like, a HUGE difference.

And really, just how many LGB representations in the media honestly were even made BY LGB people?  How many of those shitty representations which apparently oppress asexual people were even because of LGB people?  I mean really.  Pretty much every single representation we have in the media was conjured by some cistraight dude in an office who thought it would be just the bees knees to insert a flamboyant dude that would lisp his way into our hearts with his silly quirky fashion sense.  Or worse some man hating lesbian woman to essentially be a strawfeminist that other straight men could beat their meat to as they objectify homosexual women kissing.

Our own representations we don’t even create.  How could we be complicit in a society that oppresses you if we aren’t even the ones behind that shit?

So, basically, my reply was to morningchorus who was CLEARLY calling asexuals less-oppressed, albeit the implication was that LBGTQ was oppressing aces. 

Which you are.

Don’t care what you have to say, asexuality is less oppressed than homosexuality is less oppressed than trans* status.  It isn’t diminishing or marginalizing or ~Oppression Olympics~ to remind people that not every group stands on the same footing and that even marginalized groups can have tiers of oppression.  No one is saying that you can’t complain about the shit you get.  People are saying that you can’t compare it to the shit homosexual people, and you sure as shit can’t claim it to be worse than the shit homosexual people get.

Because those statements would be factually wrong and casually dismissing the fact that there is no societal imperative in place that is currently driving asexual people to suicide the way there is one in place for LGBT people.  Perspective is they key word here.

Now, in response to any LBGTQ repression of aces, the only things I can think of are telling aces they aren’t queer (which I honestly don’t have an opinion on), shaming of asexuality (because being LBGTQ doesn’t mean you can’t be ignorant, you know?) and the general playing of “We’re the most oppressed ever!”, which generally tends to be lily white folk ignoring any and all intersectionality. None of this was mentioned in morningchorus’s points (well, she seemed to play the “WE’RE THE MOST OPPRESSED EVER” card) — it was all about SOCIETAL oppression and playing the Oppression Olympics. My reply was a reply to their clear implication of asexuals not being oppressed compared to LBGTQ in an attempt to bring equality to the table….of which you looked at one paragraph. 

So……

In comparison to LGBT people, no asexuality is not oppressed.  I don’t care what sort of preconceived notions you have surrounding the word Oppression Olypmics, nor do I care if you view it as a bad thing, there is nothing wrong with making note that some marginalized people have it better off than other marginalized people.  We shouldn’t be looking down on people when they have the gumption to say something like, “Hey, I get that you’re pissed, but could you stop discounting homophobia in order to pretend like being asexual is worse?” because that IS something that happens and it’s frustrating to deal with it.

Here’s the bottom line.

LGBT people (including homo/bi asexual people since homosexuality/bisexuality does in fact include those aces in their definitions) have it worse than non-homo/bi asexual people.  Homosexuality is more oppressed than asexuality.  The imperative for sex is so heavily tainted by the hetero influence that you cannot critique it while also ignoring that hetero influence.  Trans* women of color have it pretty fucking bad compared to other LGBT people, and it sure as shit is Oppression Olympics to point that out, but that sure as shit isn’t a bad thing.

So how about this.  How about you sit your ass down and just shut up about homosexuality, kay?  You’ve demonstrated that you know fuck all about any of this, so I am using my extraplanar gay powers and revoking your right to discuss homosexuality.

Not that it matters since you’re pretty much determined on deleting your blog and that you’ve openly admitted that you don’t care.  So really I’m just arguing with a ghost at this point, but I bet that still won’t stop you from throwing around all that weight you think you have with every step in your childish swagger.

emphasis mine, excellent response <3

(Source: morningchorus)